So I like a new guy now. I really that other guy before but he hurt me a lot and didn’t understand my feelings so it didn’t work.
But then, magically, this new guy showed up. And he told me we were gonna go out in his car just to drive and talk. Because I needed to talk.
But you see this was all A TRAP! Because first, he opened the car door for me and then he gave me chocolate. This is when I knew I was on a date.
I could FINALLY talk
And then we went to a secret place where he just sat down quiet so that I could talk. I believe me I talked. So much.
And I got a bit drunk and talked even more. And more. And more.
But after a while he started talking too and he told me that he likes the President of Kosovo.
Wow. A little bit of a shock I have to say.
Crash course of Kosovo politics
Ok, now I just have to give you the quickest crash course of Kosovo politicians starting with the President.
The president is a problematic guy even if he doesn’t know it. He is also tall, which Madeleine Albright liked about him. I mean who doesn’t like tall men? But yes, definitely problematic.
The short guy
The short guy is a friend of the President. Actually, they are both a bit problematic, but they compensate it by being in “the friendly party”. The party in Kosovo known for taking very good care of their friends.
The Hollywood guy
Then we have the Hollywood guy. He’s a bit of an outsider and he likes to put up big billboards of himself all over Kosovo presenting himself as an Hollywood actor. He also likes to go hiking with his 35 bodyguards.
The private plane guy
The private plane guy is a businessman that turned into a politician. He doesn’t like to be in quarantine and he is the owner of a Hotel in Kosovo where you can go if you want to get a new iPhone – if you’re a girl.
The 1981 guy
The 1981 guy was a bit different back in 1981. He changed a lot during the years though hoping that people would forget – which many did. Lucky him.
The mommy is the female politician who has to take care of all these crazy guys. She’s a bit of a sadist because when they talk too much about irrelevant stuff she just mutes their microphones.
The unfriendly guy
This unfriendly guy is the Prime Minister. No other politicians like him because he is rude and against friendliness. Still he’s sticking around – even when they vote him away. He is quite a mad man.
The confused guy
Finally, the confused guy. This guy is just making everyone, including me, confused. No one really understands what he says or what he wants. Maybe he was going to a bar but ended up in politics by mistake. Lost for decades.
So you can understand why there’s always some political drama in Kosovo, with all these guys trying to agree on things.
The guy I like
So about the guy I like. What to call him? The hot guy? Or maybe the young guy? Way younger than what I’m used to. Makes me so nervous.
No, best to just call him The guy I like.
But maybe it’s because of his age that I don’t get upset when we disagree. Or because after he has said his, he is still curious about what I have to say.
Or maybe because he is has been tricking me into dating him. And liking him. The second time we met he gave me a rose.
It’s like he has gone on some course or training for how to treat a woman. It’s like he is Zlatan and I’m the ball.
And I’m not fucking used to be the ball! I’m used to be Zlatan!
When I pretended to understand Steve Jobs
So I really liked that he was giving me these small sweet presents. The only other time I can remember a man giving me a present on the first date was when this American man that gave me a necklace in white gold.
It was so weird. I don’t even like jewelry and it got weirder when I felt like he was so smart that I had to pretend to be smarter than him.
I had recently seen the movie about Steve Jobs, so I thought why not pretend that I read the book and understood everything about Steve Jobs.
So I had a 30 min long monologue about it and then he just looked at me, took a sip of his wine, and said
“That’s not at all how I remember my friend Steve.”
This guy is from the wild wild west
Luckily this guy is from the wild wild west of Kosovo, where no one used to know Steve Jobs. It’s the place where people like the President and his short friend.
But honestly it doesn’t bother me that he likes the President. It’s strange because often with men I feel like I either wanna educate them, impose my ideas on them or mute them. But with this guy it feels so different.
I like him so much that if he would be bisexual and have the President as his Thursday lover, it wouldn’t upset me.
Maybe because he really listens to my feelings. The second time I met him, he asked me more about my feelings than the other guy did for a month!
And the way he kisses me. And touches me. And he dares do kiss me and hug me and touch me in front of other people.
Not everyone here goes crazy in public you know.
And in the mountains! The way he kissed me in the mountains. It was like in a romantic movie from Kosovo! Nature, mountains, birds, fog, wild dogs, flowers, rubbish everywhere, and HIM.
It’s like God read my latest blog post about my disappointment in sex in Kosovo and felt sorry for me and gave me this man like a package from Amazon.com full of things I love.
When we met my communist friend
And then there is this new feeling about me just wanting to protect him. We visited my friend who’s a proper communist and the only thing I could care about in the discussion was making sure he was ok.
You know when you like a person so much that you almost start defending their ideas, even if you don’t agree, just because you so badly want to be on his side when there are other people around.
Because you wanna have his back and because you wanna fight the person who would ever disrespect him.
Is this protecting feeling a Swedish thing? Or a feminist thing? Or something I haven’t I felt that lately because I only dated men over 50?
Now I think I’m the one who’s confused.
But at least I know Madeleine Albright would like him too, because he is tall just like the President. And who doesn’t like tall men?
The only question is if I can handle all of this.
Maybe it’s best if I never have sex with him.
Because I have this feeling that his sex is his biggest trap, and what if I never get out alive?
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